I’m very excited because I now have 7 followers! Please, no comment on how lame that sounds. Thank you so much for reading my blog, it means a lot.
So today I was confronted with an awkward social situation. Oh, if you want to skip all the foreplay to the advice, scroll to the word COOKIE down below 🙂 My family has a country house in Normandy (the French countryside) and it is my paradise — although that will be the subject of another article later. Anyway, not much happens around here, so when the annual hunting festival comes around each year we go happily (don’t ask why, just go with it). However, no one else seems to. Like, ever. Until… this year.
Thinking that we’d practically be the only people there, I didn’t bother changing out of my gardening clothes or slathering makeup all over my face that I’d just have to take off later (did I mention that I’m a naturally lazy person?). Normally we stroll right in, listening to the sounds of the horns singing hunting songs, we say hello to people, and generally relax. Not this year! Boy oh boy not this year… I’ve never seen so many people there (about 70,000). It was astounding. Then I realized something worse than the hordes of strangers invading my lazy countryside: I looked awful. Everyone else was dressed in fancy riding and hunting gear and I was wearing a ratty pair of shorts, no makeup, my hair was tossed up in a messy ponytail and I had on a Curious George t-shirt. Curious George. I mean come on. People started staring at me, and not in a nice way. The fact that I was beet red probably didn’t help.
And then I noticed the dudes. Boys around my age had that rugged, country look to them, and most were shirtless. And all were perfectly tanned and six-packy. It was either fancy dress or no dress. Curious George t-shirts not accepted — yikes.
So here are a few methods I used to make myself more invisible (invisibler? no?)
# 1 : Hide
The best way to be invisible is to not be visible at all. It works every time. Well… I can be more difficult if you’re at a place with someone, but my oblivious parents didn’t realize I was gone for a good 20 minutes. However, if you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone, this is NOT a good technique. Trust me, I’ve tried it before. Don’t try melting into a puddle on the floor either. You’ll just look like an old mop.
# 2 : Smile
If you’ve firmly established that there is no way that you aren’t going to stand out: smile. Smile like you’ve never smiled before. Be cheerful, bright and sunny. Please do be careful not to verge on hysterical though, because that can get very ugly, very fast. If you’re in a conversation, the person who you’re talking to will be pleased that you’re so happy to talk to them. If you’re just walking around, people will think it’s part of your crazy hippy persona. If you’re desperate enough, you won’t care.
# 3 : Be bold
Make your entourage think that this look, this attitude and the ensuing consequences are all a choice of yours, and that you stand by it 100%. Some people might actually be impressed.
# 4 : Distractions
In emergency situations, you can whip out your cell phone and pretend to take a very important call. Don’t brag too much during your fake phone conversation, because once you hang up it might be very hard to explain to the boy/girl standing in front of you how you got selected to go into space on the next Soyouz mission. If you have an embarrassing front, staring at a poster can also be useful, as people can only see you from the rear. Remember not to stare too long at the same one though or the masses might think you’re particularly obsessed with canned worms from wherever.
# 5 : Be yourself
This is the best one. If you’re yourself, you can relax into your persona. If you can do this, you are a god. Seriously, I’ve tried and failed miserably. This is one of those times when you’ll either succeed or tank. But the best outcome is that everyone will accept you for who you are, and you can live life in peace. Relatively.
Live long and prosper \V/
The Mostly Confused Teenager.
PS: those points are not in order, you have to determine the course of things yourself. Good luck!