Those Crazy American Commercials

There’s something that makes American TV commercials somewhat different from ads in other countries, or at least ads in France. Yeah, you know that I’m talking about those erectile dysfunction ads that come on every two seconds *involuntary shudder* I mean the purpose of one in three TV ads is, it seems, to council men on how to get boners.

Whenever I go on holiday to the US I always get excited about watching TV. Reason 1) I finally get to watch my shows on the big screen without having literally every male character sound like a 12 year old girl because it’s been dubbed, and reason 2) because I know that I’m garanteed a fit of hysterical giggles when it’s time for ads. And man, it’s always time for ads. In France you’re not allowed, by government law, to advertise any prescibed medication on TV, in magazines or in the papers, which in some way makes sense but in another makes French ads sooo much more boring. L’Oréal, because I don’t care. Get the idea? Pratically nothing ever happens, and when it does it’s most often an American ad that has been dubbed into French.

But in the United States of America, with it’s freedom of speech and wonderful liberty, there are no such rules, and the results are both glorious and disquieting:

“Are you having trouble living up to your ‘woman’s’ needs? Do you need a treatment that will last over 36 hours? [wait woah… 36 hours? Now I may not now much about the birds and bees junk but 36 hours seems quite a long time to be prepared for] Try our new SuperBonerCrap and go, go be free! Have sex in the middle of the street, in the park, in front of your grandkids! With SuperBonerCrap, it doesn’t matter when, where or how inappropriate the circumstances are, if you’re feeling it, take action. Warning, an erection lasting more than 5 hours may cause serious nerve damage. [God TMI people, kids watch Top Chef too you know] Side affects may include extreme exhaustion, nose bleeding, digestive issues, liver failure, prostate cancer, respiratory difficulties, brain damage and death. [Um excuse me, whaaat?] And as usual, stay safe! SuperBonerCrap, making you wish that you were single and surrounded by cats.”

So maybe I exaggerated a little bit, but not that much. And I know that erectile dysfunction is a real thing that affects a lot some people, but the number of ads compared to the percentage of the population that might need the product is disproportionate. Then again, it’s America, why am I suprised?

Live long and prosper \V/

Yours sincerely,

The Mostly Confused Teenager.

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25 thoughts on “Those Crazy American Commercials

  1. Hello dear CT,
    I like your blog, I like everything you do here as you do it with great taste! Your posts are very unique and you are very charming! Wish you all the best in your future endeavors! Keep in touch!

    Warmly,
    Arlen

  2. Pingback: Archive of Comments | Arlen Shahverdyan. Author's Blog

      • Actually it is from a small wooden plaque we picked up at Buc-ees (http://buc-ees.com/restrooms.php) in Texas. The Mrs thought it was hytserical. I try to use it every chance I get. 🙂

        I love the ads with the twin free-standing bathtubs (Ciallis?) in the middle of nowhere. Who thought of that? How do they fill them with water? Who lugged the tubs out there? I can’t imagine that the resulting slipped disks and hernia would be conducive to romance.

  3. I’ve never been to America, so I’ve missed out on the hilarity that is American TV, but my word did this post make me giggle xD

  4. Here, we call it Viagra or Cialis in lieu of SuperBonerCrap…but your command of English conversation is very impressive for une française!

  5. Pingback: DANGER WILL ROBINSON *faints in horror* | The Mostly Confused Teenager

  6. Haha!! Frickin hilarious 🙂 I’m guilty of the superboner!! I use NiteCapX herbal Viagra. You almost have to compete around here. Too much pressure in the states. Love your post

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