But… but… I can’t help it Stevie! I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let a black cat cross the road in front of me while I have full control of my mental capabilities; as in not stoned, drunk, or with any cute boy. Now that I think about it it really is animal cruelty to avoid black cats, they must be befuddled as to why people go out of their way to not come across them. I would hate to be a black cat’s shrink. And to all of those people saying “wow, she’s being really silly, their are no shrinks for cats”, I give you; total and utter effing madness.
I’m not crazy, I don’t have voodoo dolls that I keep in my closet or consult my horoscope with carrot-like precision, but I will handle a mirror with the utmost care, and when it comes to finger crossing, I am a pro. If I’m feeling particularly nimble I even cross my toes (TMI? TMI.). Based on experience I have concluded that I cannot find anything that I’ve lost without begging my cat and/or my dog for it. Yes, dear strangers of the Internet, that is sort of sad, but they get a kibble out of the deal and I get my stuff. Nobody’s complaining.
The other day I caught myself standing under a ladder, trying to see if it was solid or not. The result of this expedition was a look of horror frozen on my face as I lay on the ground, pinned under the ladder which was
clearly not anchored well enough against the wall. Duh. I wasn’t hurt, mostly hungry, I suddenly realized that I reaaally wanted a snack (Does that ever happen to you? Wanting a snack in the wrong place? Oh dear that somehow sounds very strange. Am I getting off topic? Again?) but the small example of how my superstitions were affecting me made me question every person who told me that it was complete sugar. –> replacement word for ‘shit’. Oh I just said it, now there’s really no point in having replaced it is there?
My superstitious crap has gotten me into some awkward situations over the years. I have this one rule that says that when I walk under scaffolding, I can’t blink. The result of this is that a lot of people tend to stare at the weird girl who’s trying desperately not to close her eyes, in the process forgetting to breathe and ending up choking her way out into the open. But so far my life has been pretty darn good, so I’ll just keep being socially awkward and YOU just keep petting unicorns.
Although like any other teenager I have my wild and crazy moments where all judgment disappears and I turn into a hunk of raging hormones, I’m usually a goody two shoes. I’m the one who will remind people of the rules and be against doing anything rash or illogical (yes, watching Spock and Star Trek has ruined me). Just seeing the word “ain’t” in the title of this post is giving me the jitters. Don’t say ain’t or your mother will faint and your father will step in a pot of paint. Not very likely, and yet! I believe that if I do something morally wrong, the karmic retributions (FANCY WORDS HIGH FIVE) will be severe. Why? I can’t figure it out — I’m… confused. What else is new right?
Nonetheless, I won’t think twice about tackling you before you open that umbrella inside. I can’t toast with water because it’s against an old Hungarian wives tale. Since Friday the 13th is bad luck in some places and good luck in others, on that day I slink around in a disoriented fashion wishing it were the next day already. I want something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue at my wedding; a Doctor in a blue box would do just fine. If I find a penny, I will pick it up (although I have to point out that most people would, it is money after all). A wishbone wish is of the greatest importance to me. I always take an extra big breath of air before blowing out candles on a birthday cake. I have to wish for something in the 10 seconds after I’ve seen a shooting star. I knock on wood a lot. Holy cow on a cracker does that ever sound wrong.
And as for the picture of pure eye candy, you’re quite welcome 🙂
Live long and prosper \V/
The Mostly Confused Teenager.
PS: I realize it may have made more sense for me to post this on Friday the 13th, but I don’t want to wait two weeks. So there.