A Festival of Sobbing

I’m a very emotional person. <– that sentence is very hard for me to utter, because it’s like admitting that I’m not totally in control of my feelings, and as you might have gathered, I tend to be a control freak. The fact that I even have feelings may come as a shock to some people, because from the outside I sometimes look like an emotionally unavailable zebra (is that an insult to zebras? If you are a zebra and are offended, please accept my sincere apologies.).

The fact that I retreat to my inner protectivd shell as soon as anything bad happens can be taken badly. Last year my uncle was in a horrendous accident and for a week we hoped and prayed that he would stay alive. My mother and my brother both cried when they heard; I stayed silent, seemingly unperturbed. I got a couple concerned looks from my dad as I continued to act as if everything was normal. But inside, inside I was on fire, hurting in every sense of the term. However I did recognize that I needed to open up somewhat and promised myself that when I started my new school in September, I would be more liberal with my feelings. Thinking back now, the only time I really lost it when I was little was each year at Christmas when we watched Frosty the Snowman. Even though he comes back, it’s still heartbreaking to see him melt. To this day I have trouble with snowmen.

When my grandfather passed away in the spring, I realized that I was evolving. I was crying, and it felt bloody good. Of course I only allowed myself to show my grief when the rest of my family wasn’t around for fear of increasing theirs, but I was mourning in my own way. Now I’ve let myself take a lot more freedom with my emotions, letting my tears bubble over and sobbing hysterically when I watch the end of Star Wars Episode XI (can you believe they’re making another one? Geez.), alone in my room, surrounded by tissues.

I also, like most people, can cry of happiness. That kind of crying is very much easier for me to do in front of other people for one reason or another. For example on my birthday this year my awesomesauce friends, the best in the whole Universe (sorry if you thought yours were, cause they’re not, mine are :)) threw me a surprise birthday party. They made me one of the best cakes that I have ever tasted and a giant cone of cookies with caramel drizzled on them. Heaven. Seeing this blatant display of affection I immediately started to blubber like a walnut and felt like an idiot when half an hour later, when all the pictures and videos had been taken, I realized that my makeup had run (run awaaaaay! Right, sorry) and that I looked like a half ass raccoon.

I wonder what the future will in terms of letting my emotions show. Frankly, I’m ready to accept just about anything, as long as it doesn’t involve sobbing profusely on the street because I don’t have enough money to replenish my chocolate stash.

Live long and prosper \V/

Yours sincerely,

The Mostly Confused Teenager.

PS: The evolution towards emotional availability may also be caused, in part, by PMS. Who the hell knows.

25 thoughts on “A Festival of Sobbing

  1. Well,maybe letting emotions flow is good for us. For me,I would keep them in,but sometimes I just can’t(long story short: I had like ten cats before my actual one… and they all[except one that never came back] suffered the same destiny.). And when I am near crying and trying to keep that in(different reasons come in handy:anger,death of a loved one[cats mainly],anger,anger,ok ok… sadness,etc.) please,don’t make me talk about that,or I will look as stupid as a teenager boy who is crying…

  2. I too am an emotional vacuum, finding it easier to block than admit. But there are certain events that can change you. For me it was when a relative was run down and killed, that started my development into a more rounded human being. It is difficult, only do what you feel comfortable doing. Although, can I ask? Where can I find a blubbering walnut?! 🙂

  3. Its okay to cry sometimes, trust me. I’m having a hard time right now and no ones really helping me out. i’m kind of alone but don’t worry you’ve got people to support you. xx

  4. Don’t be afraid to let your emotion show, no one is going to judge, you, just act however you want 😉 I too keep everything bottled up inside, maybe eveyrone does ? But we all have to let people in because they can help us and make us feel better 🙂

    • I do act weird enough of the time anyways :p that’s why I love my friends, because they’re the ones who help me and make me feel better, and I’m eternally grateful for that 🙂

      • You can act weird but also remember that you can be sad and break down (when you are not surrounded by a bunch of other strangers because that would be weird, and not the typical good weird :p ) because they are there for you and they won’t judge you because they love 🙂 And if you ever need to talk about something ’emotional’ they also there for that heck friends are there for everything 😀 (especially unicorn road trips with cookies)

  5. I was like you, always keeping them inside. I learned it’s good to express them, but in a very controlled way. If you don’t control what you let out, it’s very easy to get hurt by other people, albeit unintentional.

  6. I am sure the zebra would understand and accept your sincere apologies 🙂 Glad you are developping your emotions, I think this one is very important to control your energy flow and this way, to reach your potential one day.
    Am I talking too cryptic? 😉
    Have a great day,
    P.S.: Thank you very much for liking http://gammagamification.wordpress.com/2013/09/19/is-summer-over-now/
    P.S.2: By the way, do you know what happened to Nutterfluffer? Haven’t heard anything from her for quite a few days…

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