Being a Lady

I take a huge bite out of the greasy sandwich I’m eating, instantly hiding it under the table, pretending that I don’t have food in the no-food school library. The librarian shoots me a glare that would make a bloodsucking mountain goat recoil in fear, but at this point all I can think about is eating before my afternoon classes start, so I shoot him my sweetest smile, completely forgetting that my mouth is full of tomato and cheese. His eyes widen in horror as I quickly gather my books and dump the rest of my lunch in the trash. As I pass the front desk I stub my toe in the doorframe and utter a string of swear words as he chuckles and looks away so I don’t see him laughing at me. Yeah, as if. Nice try dude.

Being the perfect lady has never been a particular goal of mine, but as I progress through life and have people say things like “No spitting contests. They’re so unladylike.”, it does force me to think of what being a lady is all about. So, without further ado, here is The Mostly Confused Teenager’s guide to being a lady.

#1: Be Respectful of Others
Some would call this first rule “be kind”, however I tweaked it purposely because in my humble opinion life would be a complete drag if you couldn’t tease people just a little bit. I guess that you could just implement the rule that teasing and ribbing (are those the same things?) are fine up until the point where you’re causing pain through your words. Now now, I can already hear your cries of protest: “CT, laughing at someone is always wrong!” Well, yes; but my wise sixteen year old self knows that some relationships are based pretty much purely on insults and fake-loathing and that those friendships are worth everything in the world. So in a short, babble-free resume: teasing = OK, one-way insulting = well… guess. Bad (duh.)

#2: Make Your Own Choices
You all know the meek “we can do whatever you want” type. I’m not talking about normal polite people who can easily go with the flow, but rather people like my mother. I love my mom to bits and would without a doubt jump off a cliff to save her (although I’m not sure in which circumstances this would ever take place), but she annoys me to no end by having no particular opinion about most anything. Ladies, if you want to do something, as long as it doesn’t involve insulting nuns in their presence, go ahead! Being a lady means being a person, and being a person means standing up for yourself and for what you believe in.

#3: Respect Yourself
This suggestion ties in with the previous one. A lot of people would say that being a lady entails having perfect hair and makeup at all times, having the posture of a telephone poll and dressing like a 1950’s housewife. I think that that’s cow poop. The basics are hair that doesn’t have capybaras living in it, a face that doesn’t look like a grizzly bear gave it two black eyes and no bikinis (or equivalents) in business meetings. Other than that, do whatever the hell you want, within reason! Respect yourself and, generally, others will respect you.

In short (yeah, ironic I know), being a lady means being yourself. There are no 100,000 commandments to obey to the letter; there are only a few guidelines to follow. Swear, get sweaty, eat pizza with your hands and get it all over your face… And most of all, have fun. Otherwise, what’s the point of being anything at all?

Live long and prosper \V/
Yours sincerely,
The Mostly Confused Teenager

PS: On the 3rd of August 2014, TMCT turned one. Happy Birthday to the best little blog this girl could wish to run!

22 thoughts on “Being a Lady

  1. I read the title and was like “no, no, NO! Not another post about living up to society’s expectations :((((” (sad face included for the benefit of being able to imagine my facial expressions at the time). Then I read the post and was like “YESSSSSSSSSS!” Because I realised that my initial judgment was wrong, and that was a great feeling. I said yes especially loudly to the part where you said that “some relationships are based pretty much purely on insults and fake-loathing and that those friendships are worth everything in the world.” This was so good.

    PS. Please excuse my tragic over and improper use of the word “like”

  2. “Some relationships are based pretty much purely on insults and fake-loathing and that those friendships are worth everything in the world.”

    I am so glad someone said this. My mom is always after me to be nicer to two of my friends but she doesn’t realize that that would defeat the purpose of talking to them. 😛

  3. You. Are. Awesome. I think my body may not be mixing very well with beer. I just had an extremely emotional experience(read: crying like crazy) watching I, Robot. I’ll reserve further comments until I’ve sobered up a bit.

      • Dude, I Robot is an emotional story, I totally feel you on that one.
        Anyway, there’s nothing nicer than hearing that you think I’m awesome on the morning of the first day of school, that’s a confidence booster, so thanks!

  4. I totally agree with your statement that “life would be a drag if you couldn’t tease people just a little bit. In all honesty, I actually feel more affection for the people I tease, and for those who tease me than I do for those who don’t. In other news, unfortunately, it takes a great deal of effort for me to get the capybaras out of my wet hair in the morning.

  5. What a wonderful twist! I really loved reading this, it was so funny! I join you in saying that being a traditional ‘lady’ is dull! Where’s the fun in eating pizza with a knife and fork? 🙂

  6. Yeah some of your lady-like behavior examples come from another century! I think each generation has to develop their own sense of what women are and can be. A lot of it is cultural don’t you think? In your minds eye, think of a Japanese “lady”, an American “lady”, a French “lady” ! All pretty different aren’t they?

    Even the use of the word “lady” ! Do we have an equivalent in french ? You are either a fille (girl) or a femme (woman) and I can’t think of another word that offers more of a nuanced translation. But we would use the adjective “feminin” wouldn’t we? “Soyez plus feminine” “Try to be more feminin!” Oooo that sounds horrible doesn’t it ?!

    The sweaty/pizza eating/dripping/shouting obscenities person doesn’t sound great either. I loved your “just be yourself”.

    Wonderful blog. So enjoy reading it ! Hope your last year of high school goes easily !


    • You’re right, it’s all a question of culture isn’t it? I mean fille or femme don’t really cover it, but feminine does it! *shudder* I guess in France a femme is supposed a lady!
      Thank you so much for you compliments!

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