Tag Archive | pride

Being French

reasons-to-like-france-graphElo, me naam eez CT, ande 2 monts agoe I beecame French. Well 50% French in the eyes of the law and sub-French in the eyes of every 100% French person, but that sort of ruins the announcement, don’t you think?

Finally, 17 years after being born on French soil to American parents, I was awarded a brilliant piece of paper stating that I now had french citizenship. The whole ceremony took place in a dingy office on the 2nd floor of a dusty creaking building that specializes in transforming peoples’ lives, and was officiated by a weary looking middle-aged woman who looked like she could really use a trip to, well, anywhere. After verifying that I wasn’t a llama posing as a human just to benefit from french health care, she offered me a three page list of first names and asked me to pick one. Despite my longtime fantasy of being named Gertrude Cunégonde, I decided to stick to CT after my father shot me a threatening look, which he only barely pulled off, since I could tell he was about to lose a hard fought battle to hysterical laughter. The lady glared at us, pursed her lips when I told her I was keeping my American citizenship, shook our hands and wished us good day, wrapping up the event in the pomp with which it had been conducted (yes young pineapples, that is sarcasm). And voilà, French I am.

As a French person, I have learned several things essential to surviving in the society of baguettes and berets, which I thought I should share with you here, as I am a kind and generous soul:

#1: Never, ever let on that you are any part American
Apart from the rare Frenchman who appreciates his neighbors from across the pond for having supplied his people with Star Wars and liberation from the Nazis, the French hold Americans to the very lowest of standards. We see the United States as perverting our culture of fine cuisine with such abominations as pre-made frosting (I mean seriously, who can’t make the effort of beating up half a ton of butter and confectioner sugar themselves) and yellow cheese (oh the woe of a people not able to enjoy a cheese made from real bacteria and mold). Not to mention the endless stream of loud and obnoxious tourists who get drunk everyday and end up keeping the whole neighborhood awake at 4am with a slurred version of the Star Spangled Banner that sounds more like a tyrannosaurus rex wailing because its arms aren’t long enough to reach the steak that’s on the top shelf of the refridgerator than any kind of musical ditty. So when in doubt, if the conversation at a wine-tasting soirée turns to the land of guns and bacon, just whole-heartedly agree that every American should be tossed into the Seine River immediately upon arrival, for fear of ending up there yourself.

#2: Act superior
If they hold Americans to the very lowest of standards, the French hold themselves to the very highest. As an ancient civilization with a proud history of invading and being invaded, it is necessary to maintain dominance on the rest of the word, a task which falls to every commoner as his or her civil duty. The code of conduct is as follows. When walking down the street, stride briskly and keep your face completely neutral. When spoken to assume a slightly annoyed look and adjust your voice so as to have a condescending echo (nothing obvious enough to allow for a formal rebuke of course). Finally, be sure to always having something French on you, such as a baguette or a book by a great French novelist (to be handheld in plain view). This will inspire awe from foreigners, who will return home and spread the stereotypes that allow for an international French reverence, and notify other Frenchman that you entertain the same noble quest as they, and thus deserve to be treated with respect.

#3: Be patriotic
This goes hand in hand with reason number 2, but is absolutely primordial: you must be willing to fight for your country, lie for your country, sow, reap and die for your country (I think I should change my career path to motivational poet. Thoughts? Actually, it’s probably better if you don’t say anything at all, I see you sneering from a million miles away). If you are caught doing something dishonorable, say you’re from England, those bastards have tried invading us enough times to deserve a little retribution. Of course if you’re being filmed by a television crew for having saved 15 people from a burning building, no matter if you look like raccoon whose wife is dragging him to marriage counseling sessions that cost way too much for the meager salary you make as a trashcan spotter, make sure to yell that you’re French. It’s very important to the social well-being of the country that we be recognized as underdog heroes. Keeps us modest and bashful.

Now I realize that I’ve been rather unkind to the French in this post, and before any of my fellow compatriots descend upon me in a flurry of rage and cigarette smoke, I’d like to share the words I wrote in my letter to the mayor: “J’espère amener honneur à vous et aux institutions de ce pays dont je suis si fière d’être devenue la citoyenne”, which translates roughly to “I promise to try and not disgrace myself any more than I already have… but dawg I’m French now, and there ain’t nobody who can touch me” (very roughly).

Liberté, égalité, fraternité to all my French homies out there. I’m going to stop writing now, before I get any more ghetto.

Live long and prosper \V/
Yours sincerely,
The Mostly Confused Teenager.

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Sea Pancakes and Toilets: Imaginary Friends

Yes, I had several. Now to all of you who are silently saying “Imaginary friends? Is she nuts?” I answer: 1) Yes, I am crazy. And quite proud. And 2) Come on, you know you had at least one too. From what I’ve gathered, having an imaginary friend is sort of a right of passage when you’re a kid. Some people may think that having friends who don’t physically exist is pathetic, and to them I say “BOY HAVE YOU EVER MISSED OUT ON SOMETHING GREAT”.

It’s not that I’m a social recluse and never had any friends. So sometimes I prefer staying home on a Friday night with a good book and a hot chocolate; that doesn’t mean that the only reason that I had imaginary friends was because I felt lonely (and let’s not even talk about Monday nights, when I am unreachable due to the amazing sport of football).

I got my first imaginary friend when I was pretty little, no more than 8 years old. I was reading Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials (you know, The Golden Compass and all that) and was fascinated by the concept of a dæmon, a creature that was essentially part of the person and from whom they could not separate from without great pain. So I decided that if Lyra and Will had dæmons and were the best heroes ever, logically if I had a dæmon I would be an amazing person as well. HA. I named my dæmon Manta. Why? Well… Because at the time I had an obsession with manta rays, or as I called them; sea pancakes. The fact that mint ice cream is my favourite flavor of ice cream also contributed to the name. I was young and innocent, don’t judge. At least, don’t judge harshly. Manta was there when I needed to babble to someone and I didn’t have The Mostly Confused Teenager to ramble on, when I was waiting all by myself for my always-late mom in the rain after school, when I wanted to make fun of my brother but no one was around. Plus, if someone asked me why I was talking to myself, I could always answer that I was actually talking to my imaginary friend, before staring at them with a mixture of befuddlement and disdain.

My second imaginary friend is one that is slightly/waaaay weirder than Manta ever was. His name is Fish, and he’s been my friend for so long that I can’t even remember when I started talking to him. This is awfully embarrassing to write, so I’m glad that not many people that I know read CT’s long winded blog posts. Still I hope that they don’t stop interacting with me because I’m such an absolute weirdosomething. See, I can only talk to Fish when.. um.. a toilet paper roll is finished. A roll with no more paper on it is the telephone that I use to contact him, at which point our conversations go something like this: “Hey Fish! How are you doing? I’m fine Fish, yeah. Ok so seeya Fish.” Now that I think about it these conversations are actually monologues. *sigh*

Still, my imaginary friends never socially hurt me (until now, I hope that this confession doesn’t The MCT’s death warrant). In fact they were a formative part of my childhood and made me into the person I am today. Whether that is a good thing or not I can’t tell 😉 Nonetheless they fostered a singular creative ability and view of the world for which I am eternally grateful. I’ve grown up a lot since the times when I heatedly debated with Manta on my brother’s level of silliness, but I haven’t forgotten the friends who helped me through some odd as sh*t days.

So parents, stop worrying because your kid has an imaginary friend, and kids, be proud! You’ll understand how a thought and/or dream can seem so real that it turns into something that you’ll cherish for the rest of your lives. Ladies and gentlemen, that is all. Peace out.

Live long and prosper \V/

Yours sincerely,

The Mostly Confused Teenager.

Awards, Awards, Awards *head bursts with pride*

I have had the almost imponderable pleasure of receiving three awards from three wonderfully stupendously fantastic blogs and thus will proudly display them until The Mostly Confused Teenager becomes an old relic that only scientists use to study the discipline of awkwardness.

SO here we go! First we have the dearest Meesha who nominated me for the Liebster Award 🙂 The rules are as follow. Apparently.

1. You must link back the person who nominated you. (of course!)

2. You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you. (oh man she asked some hard questions too)

3. You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers (nope. Not 10. 5. HEHE I broke the rules *feels maniacal*)

4. You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer. (oh dear.)

5. You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees. (that seems to be customary with every award eh?)

Here are her questions, and of course, my answers. Duh.

1) Why did you start blogging?

I can’t even think of how to answer the first one! Well I originally wanted to write for a sports website because my passion lies with baseball and football, but I couldn’t find anything. In my desperation I thought, why not run my own website? Maybe no one will read it but it’s worth a shot! And since the domain of sports is very specialized I decided to branch out into other things such as the extremely interesting (cue Sheldon Cooper’s sarcasm sign) life of a very average almost 16 year old living in France.

2) If you could live on one food item for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

It’s a toss up in between cookies (MY LIFE) and pizza. I have been a self proclaimed pizzavore since I was little and because pizza has more nutritional value and there are so many possible variations, I have to say… Pizza. I could have cookie pizza if I wanted! Although that sounds almost, um, gross.

3) A movie that you can watch over and over?

Definitely Remember the Titans. I have it on DVD and it is epic. It makes me cry, it makes me laugh, it makes me sing, it’s inspiring. Every time I watch it I get something more out of it, which it quite simply amazing, because I watch it a lot.

4) A blog post you loved writing and is your favorite?

It’s hard to pick a favorite, it’s sort of like choosing a favorite child if you’re a parent. That. Is. Not. Weird. In all honesty I’d have to say What to do when confronted with an awkward social situation, it was just really fun to write, and I felt that it was a subject really close to my heart. Obviously.

5) If you could say anything to someone and keep it anonymous, what would you say?

I’m not going to go all ‘evil Awkward mom’ on you here so I’ll just keep it simple: YOU ARE FRICKIN’ AWESOME. The being anonymous part just makes it seem cooler somehow.

6) If you could change your name to anything, what would you choose?

Now this is a good question! My parents almost named me Teagan. Upon research I have found that the name is now ‘owned’ by a porn star, but none the less.. I would change my name to Teagan if I had to change it at all.

7) What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

My Dad always told me to keep a sharp eye out for anything and everything. Not that I knew so at the time but this was awesome advice; without it I would have never picked up on all of the amazing little details that make up my life, and my brother hiding behind the door waiting to startle me.

8) Where would you love to go for your holiday next?

To a tropical island. A lot of my friends go on these amazeballs trips to places with turquoise waters, white sand beaches and swaying palm trees. I would like to be pampered. There, I said it, without (much) shame. I want to be the definition of lazy. Yeah yeah I know some will say that I’m that already, but I want to be it on a paradisaical beach with a hot guy giving me a massage. Is that too much to ask?

9)  If you could go back in time and give advice to yourself, what would you say?

Take a chance. I’ve come close to getting kissed many a couple times but I’ve always pulled away. It’s like as soon as I have a chance for happiness, I close up like a clam. I don’t know why, I suppose I thought I’d get hurt. Well, younger CT, pull your multicolored socks up and let yourself have that floating sensation that you get when you kiss someone you like.

10) List 3 things you would like to do before you die!

I would definitely like to volunteer in a faraway country, and give back to the community. I was born lucky, others were not. I want need to help. Number 2, I think I should go on the craziest rides at the amusement park before I go to the land of cookies. I don’t exactly have a spirit that yearns for that thrill so I often chicken out; but I want to conquer that fear. Lastly, I want to sing in front of a bunch of people. I want people to hear my voice and think “wow, she’s good!” Although the probability of that dream happening is not very high, since I may sound like a croaking cockroach.

TADAAA I did it! OK now for my questions:

1) What is your favorite food?

2) What was/is your dream job?

3) Why did you start blogging? (classic question for a blogger)

4) If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? (I’m stealing your question Meesha, I like it too much)

5) Do you go/did you go/are you going to go to college? Why?

6) What’s your favorite season?

7) Do you follow sports? If so, which ones? (be careful answering this one guys ;))

8) How many hours a day do you spend on the computer?

9) What’s your favorite TV show? That is, if you watch TV.

10) I’m hungry. Oh crap that’s not a question. Um… What’s your favorite book?

Oki doki now for the nominees: http://thejourneyofmythoughts.wordpress.com/

http://wintersmischief.wordpress.com/

http://loveriennelife.wordpress.com/

http://mindofgeorge.wordpress.com/

http://19thmainstreet.wordpress.com/

 

Little Miss Nerdy Bookworm Nominated me for the Super Sweet Award (yay!) For which I thank her very much, quite frankly I  knew that I would like her blog as soon as a saw the way she signed off on her about page. Yes, go look!

Once again, rules: Thank the blogger who nominated you. (merci très chère! (Yes, I just went all French on you, sorry)).

Answer 5 Super Sweet questions (as per usual).

Include the Super Sweet Blogging Award in your blog post. (yeah yeah I do that every time).

Nominate a baker’s dozen (13) other deserving bloggers. (I will once again be evil and only nominate 5)

Notify your Super Sweet nominees on their blog. (That’s always the part that I dislike the most)

QUESTIONS!

1. Cookies or cake? If you’ve been following my blog at all, you know the answer. Cookies for ever baby!

2. Chocolate or vanilla? Ooh that’s a tough one… chocolate chip cookies vs vanilla ice cream. On second thought, the answer is perfectly obvious: chocolate.

3. Favorite sweet treat?  Have you not been paying attention? Um… answer to question number 1 of course.

4. When do you most crave sweet things? Any and every part of the day.

5. Sweet nickname? If we’re talking sweet sugariness then I have to say “Fluffernutter”. I love that nickname.

Nominees: http://lollycreations.wordpress.com/

http://attemptingreality.wordpress.com/

http://justjodie998.wordpress.com/

http://girlwiththesilverlocket.wordpress.com/

http://alittlebitofmeblog.wordpress.com/

Hannah and Katie Nominated me for the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award, which while I’m not sure what is, I graciously accept. Truth is, any award is cool :p And go check out Hannah and Katie’s blog, it’s very much very awesome.

Don’t a lot of rules just make you want to break them? Well, here we go, the rules to my last award:

1) The nominee of The Wonderful Team Member Readership Award shall display the logo on his/her blog. (Yeah yeah yeah I’m all on it)

2)  The nominee shall nominate 14 readers they appreciate over a period of 7 days, all at once or little by little; linking to their blogs; and telling them about it at their blogs. (again, nada going to happen. 5 will suffice largely. Plus it makes those 5 all the more special right?)

3) The nominee shall name his/her Wonderful Team Member Readership Award nominees on a post during 7 days. (I’m disregarding this rule because I don’t know what the heck it means. HA, take that rulemakers!)

So although this award, as my lovely nominators pointed out, has no apparent reason of being, the links hereonafter (is that even a word) will be publicity for the blogs involved.

Nominations please (being all fancy here see?); http://maggiesblog0019.wordpress.com/

http://thisblogisapieceofshit.wordpress.com/

http://sunsandstarsanddreams.wordpress.com/

http://crazyblabberer.wordpress.com/

http://myatheistblog.wordpress.com/

I DID IT!! And in only… 1500 words. Holy macaroni this was a long post, sorry ’bout that. I’ll notify everyone tomorrow (cue song from Annie)!

Live long and prosper \V/

Yours sincerely,

The Mostly Confused Teeanger.