Tag Archive | Star Wars

Still Alive *let the world rejoice*

msray2008.com

msray2008.com

It’s always hard to come back after a long absence. This much has been demonstrated by the string of ill-fated train-wrecks released by Psy since Gangnam Style rocked the world. I don’t know if I can keep writing with the gusto I did a year ago, and I’m quite worried that I’ll let you guys down. Heck, I don’t even know if anyone will read this, I have been told that if one stops blogging regularly, one loses a great deal of readership. People of the ultimate achievement of Spiderman (get it? the Web. oh dear, what am I saying), I don’t want to end up like Psy, which is why I intend to make my return to the world of blogging as triumphantly as possible. There’s only one problem: when I try to be triumphant, I usually end up doing something stupid and causing the severe embarrassment of everyone around me, while I stare at the results of my so-called triumph and wonder where the fudge I went wrong. So this time, instead of proudly prancing around before tripping and falling down the stairs (which, um, never happened *gag*), I’m going to triumph by slowly easing back into The Mostly Confused Teenager, hopefully as easily as Rory Williams comes back to life every time he dies.

For the past few months, I have been a nerdy, anti-social recluse. Now this has been caused partly by the great deal of exams I have had to take and partly by the power of procrastination, which lately has been taking the form of Game of Thrones episodes. I had finals in April, the SAT in June and the first part of my baccalaureate strangling me from behind until a few days ago. Over this period of time I became a pale, weak version of an apricot, who’s sad life consisted of getting up having slept an average of 5 hours, struggling through the morning, working at lunch, looking like a zombie in the afternoon and going straight to the library after classes until it closed. I thank the great cookie in the sky that I was too busy to blog, otherwise The Mostly Confused Teenager would have been replete with inspiring statements to be read in overly melodramatic voices such as:
“The wind and rain are howling and lashing inside my soul”
“My one comfort is knowing that the world will still have cookies once I’m gone” or even
“I will only be happy again once the Mets have won the World Series”
Depressing huh? It was a dark time for good old CT, and when I got to the point where I was relying on a completely hopeless team for happiness I realized that I needed to snap out of it.

So, ladies, gentlemen, both, neither and aliens, here I am; on vacation and back to my old if slightly more wrinkled self. And as I age with as much grace and wisdom as Yoda (shh. no comment. let me live out my dream); return to blogging I will.

Live long and prosper \V/
Sincerely,
The Mostly Confused Teenager.

PS: Happy 4th of July to all you ‘Muricans out there. May you overdrink, overeat and overspend in peace and freedom.

My life would make a sh*tty movie

(c)TitineetMilou

(c)TitineetMilou

I’m standing in the subway, going over the Seine River, staring at a sparkling Eiffel Tower, my nose pressed against the door. It’s most unhygienic and people are looking at me weirdly. In my own fantasy world I’m riding towards a sparkly future, complete with unicorns and giant cookies. The train pitches forward and I collapse onto an elderly gentleman who looks at me as if to say “youth these days…” Back to the present. Ow, my ankle hurts.

See, this is what I do: I imagine that my life is a movie and that everything is going to turn out for the best. Of course this is a big problem because I very much doubt that Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds ( why are they all called Ryan?) is going to show up at my door under the pouring rain, profess his undying love for me and present me with a giant bouquet of roses. Yes, I’m old fashioned, deal with it. Sure, there may be bumps in the road, sort of like in the Empire Strikes Back (anyone who doesn’t instantly know what I’m talking about should be… um… forced to go a week without eating a cookie (I’m being nice 😉 )): sure, the Empire owns the Rebel Alliance just like the Jets owned the Falcons last week and like any and every team who’s played the Giants, but in the end everything ends happily. Well, not happily exactly, I mean Darth Vader could have survived and spent another couple years teaching Luke how to turn on his friends and family, but I suppose it finished the best way that it could. Meanwhile, I’ve gotten off topic. Again. *sigh*

I’m afraid that my life would be rather more like Titanic though. Picture this: CT is, as always late. She runs down the hill to the metro station, hair unbrushed, makeup already smudged. She can hear the train approaching and she knows that there’s a very good chance that she won’t make it (knowing that she’ll be late for school if she takes the later one) so she puts on a final burst of speed and tears through the constraining ticket machines. The beeper on the doors sounds, letting her know that the train is about to leave. She won’t get there on time. BUT WAIT! There’s a hot dude holding the door for her! All is saved! She enters the train just as the doors shut, crashing straight into her [really hot] saviour. Oh oh, the boy has abs. Must. Not. Swoon. After pushing her off him, hot dude goes to sit down, but he keeps glancing at CT with a half curious, half perplexed look on his face. CT is just starting to think that he might ‘like’ her when she catches a glimpse of herself in the window. Yowser. She looks like a past date red pepper (and that is not a comparison that I make lightly believe me): hair sticking up in gravity defying ways, face a vermillion shade of red, weird grin plastered on her face, kind of like the Joker. And then she hears herself. Oopsy daisy, she sounds disturbingly like a parched dog. Well, that explains the staring! End of story.

That’s another thing; I sometimes talk about myself using the 3rd person, as if I were narrating my movie. Normally I don’t think anything of it, but a couple of weeks ago, someone asked me if I was schizophrenic. My answer had to be “nooooo… just crazy”. Quite honestly, if my life were a movie, it would probably be one like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: under budget, with bad special effects, bad actors and just generally ridiculous. To make it short, my life would make a sh*tty movie.

Live long and prosper \V/

Yours sincerely,

The Mostly Confused Teenager.

A Festival of Sobbing

I’m a very emotional person. <– that sentence is very hard for me to utter, because it’s like admitting that I’m not totally in control of my feelings, and as you might have gathered, I tend to be a control freak. The fact that I even have feelings may come as a shock to some people, because from the outside I sometimes look like an emotionally unavailable zebra (is that an insult to zebras? If you are a zebra and are offended, please accept my sincere apologies.).

The fact that I retreat to my inner protectivd shell as soon as anything bad happens can be taken badly. Last year my uncle was in a horrendous accident and for a week we hoped and prayed that he would stay alive. My mother and my brother both cried when they heard; I stayed silent, seemingly unperturbed. I got a couple concerned looks from my dad as I continued to act as if everything was normal. But inside, inside I was on fire, hurting in every sense of the term. However I did recognize that I needed to open up somewhat and promised myself that when I started my new school in September, I would be more liberal with my feelings. Thinking back now, the only time I really lost it when I was little was each year at Christmas when we watched Frosty the Snowman. Even though he comes back, it’s still heartbreaking to see him melt. To this day I have trouble with snowmen.

When my grandfather passed away in the spring, I realized that I was evolving. I was crying, and it felt bloody good. Of course I only allowed myself to show my grief when the rest of my family wasn’t around for fear of increasing theirs, but I was mourning in my own way. Now I’ve let myself take a lot more freedom with my emotions, letting my tears bubble over and sobbing hysterically when I watch the end of Star Wars Episode XI (can you believe they’re making another one? Geez.), alone in my room, surrounded by tissues.

I also, like most people, can cry of happiness. That kind of crying is very much easier for me to do in front of other people for one reason or another. For example on my birthday this year my awesomesauce friends, the best in the whole Universe (sorry if you thought yours were, cause they’re not, mine are :)) threw me a surprise birthday party. They made me one of the best cakes that I have ever tasted and a giant cone of cookies with caramel drizzled on them. Heaven. Seeing this blatant display of affection I immediately started to blubber like a walnut and felt like an idiot when half an hour later, when all the pictures and videos had been taken, I realized that my makeup had run (run awaaaaay! Right, sorry) and that I looked like a half ass raccoon.

I wonder what the future will in terms of letting my emotions show. Frankly, I’m ready to accept just about anything, as long as it doesn’t involve sobbing profusely on the street because I don’t have enough money to replenish my chocolate stash.

Live long and prosper \V/

Yours sincerely,

The Mostly Confused Teenager.

PS: The evolution towards emotional availability may also be caused, in part, by PMS. Who the hell knows.

Summer Delights

I love summer. It’s my second favorite season, just after winter (why? because in winter it’s harder to sweat profusely when talking to someone you reeeeally like). And there are certain things that make summer freakin’ awesome in this humble teenager’s opinion. So here goes; what makes summer so special to me.

#1 : Vacation

I think most teenagers will agree with me on this one. Summer vacation is the time to kick back, catch up on some sleep, lose sleep because of Star Wars marathons, and relax. No homework or teachers that smell like coffee and cigarettes: awesomeness!  The only down side is that it’s awfully rough not seeing your friends for two months. For some it may be a hard bridge to cross in the relationship area, but because I am single (AND HAPPY) I have no sympathy for those people. Sorry.

#2 : Warmth and Sun

I live in Normandy during the summer months, and to those of you who don’t know the area, let me clear it up for you:

Guess where I live on the map?

Guess where I am on the map?

But in the summertime, we mostly/sometimes/only kind of sort of get sunny days! And warmth means showing some skin (Don’t fret Mom, I’m not a slut. Far from it. Not that I’m a prude. Oh shut up Confused Teen you’re just ridiculing yourself) and getting a tan. Of course I have to put obscene amounts of sun screen on because I burn to a brighter red than Rudolph the Reindeer’s nose. And you know, the tan disappears as soon as autumn arrives, but in the moment that you’re lying outside, wrapped in a cocoon of warmth, it’s all worth it.

#3 : Drinks

Once again Mom, don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not talking about alcohol here. There’s something about summer beverages that make them different from any other old drinks. Iced tea, lemonade and smoothies during the day make my taste buds go YAAAAAY (that’s figurative –> I’d freak out if my taste buds could talk.) and after dinner a sprig of mint from the garden and dollop of honey made from our bees dunked in some boiling water make an intoxicating (in a good way, again Mom, no alcohol) cup of mint tea.

#4 : Ice Cream

Actually forget it, I eat ice cream no matter what time of the year it is.

#5 : Nostril Flaring

Because of the smells. The freshly cut grass being turned into half a tonne hay bales that I have tried rather unsuccessfully to roll around, the scented candles that we put out to ward the bugs away, the salt when we come back from the beach, barbecuing steaks and then roasting marshmallows… Isn’t that an odd word, barbecuing? If you say barbecue in French it means bearded butt. Just thought that I should put that out there.

#6: Baseball Every Single Day

Awesome right? Of course being in France I don’t have the opportunity to watch many of the games, much less go to them, but I love waking up each morning wondering if the Mets won or lost the night before (our record speaks for itself) and eagerly checking the score.  And every afternoon we all grab our gloves and go play catch out on a part of the lawn that is called “the football field” and where no trees will ever be planted, for fear of assaulting them with a baseball bat. Not that that should happen. Intentionally.

#7 : Starry Nights

I have a strange fascination with the stars up above. Being claustrophobic means that I can’t be an astronaut, but I’d sure like to go up there some day. When the night is clear, I wrap myself in a blanket and tiptoe out to the hammock, where I can lie for hours, staring up at the sparkling arm of the Milky Way sweeping across the sky. I find the different constellations, the planets and spy the satellites and shooting stars. I can only describe it as magical.

#8 : Enjoying Yourself by Doing Nothing

Ah, to wake up in the late morning/early afternoon… and knowing that apart from a few necessary chores, you have nothing planned out for the day. Summer is my time for reading sappy romance novels and wishing that I wasn’t alone. It’s my time to watch videos of hot guys made by awesome friends. And it’s also my time to discover new tv series, such as Awkward. Awkward was recommended to me by the only two friends who I told about my blog, and I’ve become addicted. In a week I’ve watched all the episodes. Should I have taken my time? Yes. Do I regret that I’m done? Yes. If I went back, would I do again? Without a doubt.

#9 : My Birthday 🙂

People of the Internet, I shall turn 16 on September 5th. And yes, that’s still summer.

So good citizens of the planet known as Apricot Land, that’s about it. What about you guys? What do you love about summer?

Live long and prosper \V/

Yours sincerely,

The Mostly Confused Teenager.

PS: my mom does not know that I have a blog.